This is my story for thanksgiving. The meaning behind “Bus Friends”, everything I didn’t quite tell other than to my closest friends. If you are struggling with friendships or relationships, give this story a read. I hope it inspires you as out of everything I have written on my blog, this has just got to be one of the hardest things to write. That’s partly why I am putting it out here, because I do not want to write about it any more.
All of the time it is either me that is feeling like shit or someone close to me that is feeling like shit. We all have our bad days but it’s just crazy how life tricks you when you think everything is ok.
There’s a girl in the bathtub
Blood gushing from her wrists
There’s a boy on London Bridge
Watching the water flow on by
We’re only broken souls trying to find our way,
trying to find our way through the dark
The sensation, the beautiful sensation of the blade crossing your wrist. You do it once, you just fall into doing it again and again and again. If you don’t, you just feel awful, you just miss the blade too much. You feel depressed and feel the blade calling. It’s a release. You feel it’s the only release to whatever pain you are going through. You know it isn’t, it doesn’t help you, it makes you worse, but the temptation is just too great to follow what you know.
If you say you haven’t ever had an addiction, you know that it ain’t true. In life, we all will go through an addiction in some form or factor. You may not realise it, but I bet every single person reading this has an addiction or two.
Self harm really just isn’t understood. Some people think we want to self harm, think we want to die, think we have no hope in us.
Self harm is just like when you get the urge to lust, it’s just like when you get the urge to smoke (I don’t smoke but I understand what it’s like), or to have a drink/snack that you told yourself you aren’t going to have.
We all have scars, a history we cannot bear, but we need to put that behind us.
And we all get judged by something that cannot be changed, but we need to just ignore those judges.We constantly feel we aren’t good enough, and we lose courage, and hope and faith in simply what the truth is.
Others forever tear us down, even those that did it unintentionally and unknowingly, and it just hurts so so bad.
Today, (14th October 2013) one of my friends, he was talking about retaliating or something like that, I can’t remember, and he asked me something like why not retaliate? And I said “you know I’m against violence, and so are you”, and he said to me “don’t tell me you’re against violence when you remember what you did to your wrist”. This was in class too!